Boston Red Sox
The Boston Red Sox are a baseball team founded by a group of Irish men with speech problem. They are chronic losers, but what else would you expect from a team from Taxachusetts? The Red Sox are the only baseball team in America in which all the members are Commies. This how they got the name Red Sox and not Red, White, and Blue Sox. This band of Godless baseball players have their own legion of fans, known collectively as Red Sox Nation (because they are unpatriotic and had to create a new nation), and they worship the Baby Satan. Every last one of them. Even YOU, if you have ever watched a game on NESN. The Red Sox are the mortal enemies of the New York Yankees, who, as we all know, are America's team. Red Sox fans are so obnoxious that they had to originally create TWO articles on Wikiality about their team. They must be stopped at all costs. Fun Facts * The Red Sox are owned by a secretive cabal of owners, whose members may or may not include the following listed here: Bears, Viacom, Michael Moore, Tom Cruise (who's not gay), and John Stewart. * Babe Ruth once played for the Red Sox, but after the double spy Harry Frazee saw enough potential in Babe to become a God-Fearing American, he sold him to the Yankees. * Fenway Park is the home of all Commiedom in America. You know it's true. Look it up in your gut. * Their cult chants primarily include "Lets go, Red Sox!" and "Yankees Suck!" (Of which the latter is contaminating other fan bases like terrorism in America.) Past History The Red Sox were originally founded in the 1880 under the namer "Warriors." However, Bostonians were only able to pronounce it as "Wahhiahhhs," so the name was changed to "Red Sox." Babe Ruth originally played for the Sox, but was traded to the New York Yankees after he got sick of eating Irish potatoes every day. Red Sox management is notorious for not having black players on their roster (So we're told, we don't see race). The Curse They day Babe Ruth was traded to the Yankees for cash, Ruth and Sox owner Harry Frazee got into an argument. Frazee yelled to Ruth, "You're as stupid as those Americans!!" From then on, God cursed the Sox for their Anti-Americanism, and they have not won a World Series since. Not even in 2004. 2004 never happened. Fenway Park The ball arena in which the Sox play is called "Fenway". The most notable thing about Fenway is what the locals call "Satan's Wall". The ungodly green monstrosity in left field, where Satan sucks all the near home runs. Also, they insist on mowing the infield to look like two penises. 2004 In October 2004, rumors circulated that they Red Sox may have won a world series. Some say they defeated a team named the St. Louis Cardinals. However, this is obviously made up because no professional sports team would name themselves after a fruity bird. Recent History Through the help of Satan and cult religious sacrifices of innocent New York Yankees fans, the Red Sox have allegedly accomplished the feat of having the best record in baseball for the 2007 season, along with those reservation-living Cleveland Indians. They have also used slave labor to pay for pitchers from communist nations such as Japan and Canadia. Their ace pitcher, Josh Beckett, is the third pitcher to go into a game in a trance due to possession by demonic spirits (the others being Roger Clemens, who after becoming a Yankee has made peace with God, and Pedro Martinez, who is paying for his sins by the disaster of the Mets' past season.) Unfortunately, he is the #1 candidate for the Cy Young award because C.C. Sabathia is (allegedly) black. Rookies Clay Buchholz and Jacoby Ellsbury were a product of blasphemous stem cell research and cloning technologies, going against natural law to create super-players and giving the Red Sox an unfair advantage. (However, some argue that J.D. Drew and Eric Gagne have offset this, at least until last night when Drew belted this awesome Grand-Slam out of Fenway), effectively ending the Indians' chance last night at ending the series before the first inning was even over. Notable Red Sox Players * Babe Ruth * Ted (commie-lover) Williams * Carl (Yankees Suck) Yazstremski